Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
