Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize