We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize