I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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