Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
