can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
