hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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