Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
