tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
