I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
