He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
