so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
