I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm jealous of your bromance
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
