Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
