after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
