I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
