she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
