I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
false alarm. still invincible.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he tried to convert me to islam
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
