The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
