He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
