The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize