Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
