sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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