Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
