Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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