He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
