have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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