Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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