When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
