you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
