Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
