y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
