He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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