If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
