Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
