This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.