Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.