We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.