The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver