im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital