need another drink. this is the easiest way
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
