I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
