He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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