This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think my moral compass just broke
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