no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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