Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
