I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
