im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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