I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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