so that wasnt chicken after all
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
