I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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