How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
