my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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