And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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