I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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