if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
