Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
