Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
