this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
