Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I want to fling myself into the sun
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
