even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My ass is underappreciated
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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