pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
