I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
