pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
