Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
